Why am I writing?

Because I am 28 and I don’t know my passion. And I made a promise to find that one out.

What is it that I enjoy doing? No, the right question is what is that one thing that I know I will enjoy 20 years from now, as much as I am enjoying now.

The problem is, I don’t know the answer. For myself. I don’t know what is my ‘passion’.

I have a family where each and everyone know exactly what they love doing. Like real real love! There is a husband who is a scientist and knew from seventh standard that he wanted to be one. There is a brother who discovered his passion for animation in his twelfth standard and is today a sought-after animation genius of sorts. There’s a sister-in-law who had chosen painting brush at the age of four and is an established mandala artist today. Even there is a mom-in-law who was sure from her teenage that she wanted to be a mother. And Man! She is sooo the best mom under the sun! Touchwood for my ‘mom-in-law luck’.

That leaves the friends and extended family. The salaried engineer cousin wanted to be settled in life and engineering followed by job was kind of his ‘life sorted’ enterprise. Friends around knew they wanted to be ‘settled’ with a home , then car, then child, then promotion etc. etc. The list goes on and on.

But that leaves me not only the odd one out, but also the stressed one out. I am stressed about the fact that I am not stressed that I don’t know what I love to do. I don’t know about that ‘one thing’ in life. I wanted to be a doctor at five. I did not like biology at ten. I did not like commerce at twelve. I liked philosophy for my graduation. I did my MBA in Finance.

Now I am 28. I am blissfully married. My marriage was the outcome of a stranger meeting stranger romcom. I work as senior manager, corporate finance in an MNC. I like doing my job. My team kinda likes me as a boss which is a bit weird, I must say…I mean whoever talks good about their bosses behind their eyes and ears?! My work life is apparently sorted by normal standards. But…I don’t know what I love to do.

Once I was in marketing, I loved marketing. When in Financial services, I brought down average debtors’ velocity of my unit from 70 to 21 days. Once I am in corporate finance, I ace the variance analysis.

I enjoy an Udemy course in drawing as much as a course in learning Chinese in 9 weeks. But I don’t know what I love. My anniversary present was a fully professional standard keyboard. I was the nightingale of the house for the next two weeks. Now the keyboard rests in peace in our storage. Yes, there is travel that I like. I mean, I used to think that I loved it. But after a two month long vacation to pamper the newly wed daughter-in-law, the daughter-in-law realized that her critical point for travel is 21 days max.

Two elements have somehow managed to keep up with my pace of getting bored — my husband and writing. The first one is absolutely by his own effort, merit, patience and all good things in the world. The second one is a miracle of sorts, going by my level of consistency. Covid has given us all some extra time, if not just extra worries. So, with the time, sans the worries, I am here to write. To write on any and everything that comes to my mind. To know, to learn, to explore as much as I can. To find out what I like.

…Because, in 2020, when the earth took its annual turn round the sun, I had promised someone, over a cup of coffee, that I will find out my ‘one thing’ during our “two girls checking out the world” tour. And in the very next month, I lost her. Forever. So, that leaves me with a promise that can’t be undone. So, bear with me and get on this journey of discovering my ‘one thing’ in life.